Room at my Table

Tonight I am making "room at my table" to write. I haven't blogged in...a very long time. My mind and life as it feels has been too scattered and disorganized for blogging time. I think I could write a novel about "how to stress out so much that while you may think you're accomplishing a lot, you're actually just running in circles like a crazy circus act, but instead of laughing at the end, you cry." Perfectionism will be the death of me; it is killing me; it has been my whole life. My resolution for today and for the rest of my life is to repel and ultimately vanquish perfectionism. It controls everything I do, and I hate it. God created me to act, and not to be acted upon. And so, I am choosing to embrace my imperfect, messy, flawed, sinful, foolish self. I will not allow my perfection addiction to enslave me any longer!
Today has been a blog-worthy day. It is December 1st, which means I have 18 days before I enter the MTC. (This could be an entire blog post in itself) I have 18 days left of my "current life" before I turn my entire self, time, energy, talents, and strength to the Lord for 18 months. Reality has struck again. For this reason, I had a tiny break down this morning. But praise be to God, because He is kind, and gracious, and loving, and so good to me. The rest of my day has been the perfect medicine for my ailment. First of all, I got a break from work today! Hallelujah! Secondly, I got to sing Christmas carols at my church's nativity exhibit which was a beautiful experience. I love singing. But more specifically, I love sharing what God has given me with other people. He's blessed me with a voice to sing, and a testimony of Jesus Christ. And when I get to share both at the same time, there's nothing quite as rewarding. Then I was able to enjoy some time with my family for Weston's 5th birthday! He is five years old now! Life is so fleeting. I really loved watching him open his presents, try not to smile as we sang happy birthday to him, and blow out his candles. He is so precious. Finally, tonight, I was honored to hear my favorite author, Shauna Niequist, speak at a Hope Fellowship women's banquet. I spent my evening at the table with Amanda, Brittney, some new friends, and many other beautiful women. We were physically and spiritually nourished by delicious food and inspiring words. It turned out to be exactly what we all needed. These are the things that I'm taking away from my experience tonight:
Christianity is lived, not preached.
I resolve to make time for quiet, meaningful, thoughtful prayer
"I'm jealous of myself right now"
I resolve to give my all (from best to worst) to Christ, exerting more effort to give Him my bad, broken, and ugly
Every woman needs to be given a scarf from someone who loves her
I will make room at my table for the unexpected
True hospitality is not color-coordinated, planned, or picture perfect
I want my family circle to include my neighbors, co-workers, and church friends
I resolve to give up comparisons and competition
I want to take time to experience anew the true story of Christmas, and re-live it each year.
Christmas is more about a pregnancy and birth than I'll ever realize until I have children of my own
I need to make time for myself; for rest, nourishment, and love
I resolve to make room at my table for pain and heart-ache
I want my friends to know that tears are equally as welcome as laughter
I want my home to be a place of warmth, rest, and peace. Where all can come to forget their worries and be reminded of how loved they are.
I resolve to live life slower, to make time for what matters most, and share God's love with friends, strangers, loved ones, and family.

And to close, here's one of my favorite quotes from Shauna Niequist
"You have stories worth telling, memories worth remembering, dreams worth working toward, a body worth feeding, a soul worth tending, and beyond that, the God of the universe dwells within you, the true culmination of super and natural. You are more than dust and bones. You are spirit and power and image of God. And you have been given Today."