What Matters Most

I know I only have four followers, but to you four I ask you to please tell your loved ones how you feel about them, regardless of how long or short it has been since you last did so.

They need to hear it, and you need to express it.

My thoughts and prayers are with my Opa tonight. I received tragic news that doctors have found stage 4 cancer cells in his liver that have spread to his brain. Needless to say, his time in mortality is coming to an end. Part of me wishes that he will soon be relieved from the pain and misery he's currently in. And another part of me, the selfish part, wants him to hang in there until all of my family members, including myself, can say goodbye. And then there's yet another selfish part of me that grieves knowing that my husband and children will never get to meet him. Since I was a little girl, I hoped that my family would be able to meet him, at least once. Maybe my children will be there to greet him when he passes to the next life?...that's a comforting thought.

I anxiously look forward to visiting the temple tomorrow, for that is where the veil between this world and the next is the thinnest. I've never experienced death this personally before, and it's going to take heaven's help to stay strong through this.

Opa is one of the most distinctive people I have ever known. He's stubborn as heck, pridefully opinionated, and passionate. One thing I love most about my Opa is his laugh. Not the belly laugh he exudes when he's baffled by someone's stupidity, and not the silent one he uses when he's laughing at something clever Oma said from the kitchen. I love his loving, lighthearted laugh that escapes from him when his granddaughter gently tugs at his heart-strings, but he's too manly and prideful to admit it. I'm beating myself up for never taking a video camera with me to California to capture his fiery personality and life stories forever. He likes food, cleanliness, debating, yard work, sports, consistency, and being right. I think he is quite remarkable. It's going to take missionaries as high strong as he is to convert him to the gospel...they'll probably have to be German.  

I love you, Opa, and I'll miss you; but I know that we will meet again.

Food for thought

My friend shared with me some things that her Economics teacher lectured about. I loved it, I thought it was gripping, and his advice supported my recent thoughts almost perfectly.

For happiness and self-fulfillment:
1. Fall in love with something. Find a subject, hobby, or interest you love and get passionate about it! Let yourself spend time and money on it, invest love into it.
2. Women- don't make sitting at home as a house-wife your goal. Pursue an education. Men- you want the mother of your children to be educated, because she's the one who will have the most influence on them.
3. Feed the hungry, visit the lonely, and clothe the naked.
4. Participate in regular community service.
5. Become learners, risk-takers, and adventure-seekers.
6. Give generously to charity funds.

I believe this professor is wise in his counsel. He is a father of seven children, an Economics professor at BYU, and a Church Educational System Instructor. He got a degree in Business Management or something boring like that, but while he was in college he fell in love with Medieval Architecture. What an interesting man.

SAT time

I was an idiot in high school and decided not to take the SAT or ACT to prepare for college. What was the point of spending money on a test that I didn't need to take? My "logic" was that I was going to be a Hairstylist for the rest of my life, so I didn't need to go to a college or university. 

WRONG.

Now that I've been out of high school for two years, I am DYING for some good-old-fashioned-sit-in-a-desk-and-listen-to-a-lecture education!!! Working and saving money for a year was mediocre, but I am literally aching to stretch my mind and expand my knowledge. This hunger to learn has become so intense that I actually enjoyed solving some sample SAT math questions the other day!
Miss Andrea "I hate math" S. actually treasured doing math!!!!
The problems were difficult and tedious for my left-dominant brain to process, but it felt so good. It's almost as if I could feel neural connections being awakened in my brain.
Oh if I could only be back in a classroom frantically scribbling notes again, if I could only go back to burying myself in text books, study guides and flashcards, if I could only experience the stress of Finals again! What do I have to give? I am willing to go knee-deep into debt for these things, I want them so intently.
In the future, I may regret saying this, but I don't care about getting a degree. I don't care about choosing the most job-applicable major. I just want to go to college! I want to learn!
So what's the first step toward a college education? The ominous SAT. I'll be taking it on January 28th-wish me luck! In the meantime, I'll be studying like a mad woman. If you need me, I'll be in the library :)

Blessings

Since I'm using this blog for many different purposes, this post is written more for my personal history than for anything else, so please don't think that I'm begging for a pity party- that's not what I want.

Last night and this morning I had a persistent feeling that my rejection email from Nauvoo Productions was coming soon. In actuality, ever since I mailed my audition DVD, I had a feeling I would receive a rejection email from them, but I continued to pray and tried to keep an open mind.

Lo and behold, two minutes upon waking up this morning, my phone went "la da ding ding ding" announcing that I have a new email. "There's my Nauvoo letter." I thought with confidence.

There was a big part of me that tensed up like a little kid on Christmas morning and I hoped that my feelings had been wrong, and I would be asked to audition again in Salt Lake. I quickly tapped my fancy smart phone to get to my inbox.

I realized that I had indeed been rejected when I read the following:

Dear Andrea,

Thanks so much for applying to be a Young Performing Missionary in Nauvoo, Illinois.  You are wonderfully talented, and we applaud your desire to use your talents in the service of the Lord.

This year Nauvoo Productions received close to 150 applications, from which we were able to select only 20 for the Summer 2012 mission.   As you can imagine, the selection process was extremely difficult. Although we’re not able to include you in this year’s group, we encourage you to consider applying again next year.

Thanks so much for your interest, and for your willingness to serve.

We wish you the very best!

Sincerely,

Elder and Sister Wortley

Nauvoo YPM Coordinators

My first reaction was of course disappointment. I wanted this more than....I've wanted most things. I can't put it into words. You'll just have to trust me when I say that my heart strongly desired to be a Young Performing Missionary in Nauvoo; serving the Lord and sharing the gospel through music. So much so, that I swallowed my pride and asked for help and prayers as needed. I wanted it bad enough to work and pray and practice. Something you have to know about me, is that I never ever practice. If I'm not performance ready the first time, then I give up. So the fact that I practiced for this audition is proof that I truly wanted to make it with all of my heart. So I was disappointed, but that feeling didn't last long because it was immediately replaced with fruits of the Holy Spirit: hope, peace, and love.

My next thought was "darn, now I have to share this with everyone like I promised." But I couldn't do that until I expressed my gratitude in a fervent prayer, because that's what this whole shebang has been about.

You see folks, what I doubtlessly want to share, what really matters here is that God lives. I am a child of the most perfect and Supreme being, and you are too. He created me, He knows me intimately, He hears me, and He loves me more than I can comprehend. He sees all, knows all, and is in control of everything. I love Him. I am filled with gratitude for His mercy, love, and embrace.  

I know that Heavenly Father only wants what is best for me, so I can conclude that this Nauvoo thing is not what is best, and I'm okay with that. He heard my prayers, He knows my heart, and He has blessed me with this disappointment to make room for something even better. I keep moving forward because I know in whom I have trusted. I'm excited to pursue other goals and interests, and I can't wait to see what other paths are available for me to explore.

Goonjeeyah

The adorably sassy two year-old girl that I'm living with calls me "Doonjeeyah" :) Isn't she precious? I've heard several mispronunciations of my name, but this is an original one...and probably my top favorite.

I'm all about being positive, but goodNESS I need to get out of this darned house. This body was not created to sit at a computer all day. Let me vent for just a second: filling out job applications is one of the worst activities I've been forced to endure. First of all, one online application on average takes me 30 minutes or more to fill out! Really Quicksilver, you're a clothing store, don't take yourself so seriously. Do you really need to contact 3 references, and do you really need to ask me 25 questions about my skills and qualifications that relate to being a mere cashier!? Seriously people, just tell me what key words I need to type so your computer filtering system will select my application so I can finally get an interview and start working! I now have complete sympathy for bread-winners who are forced to job-hunt for months and never land upon success. Looking for a job is a most tedious, humbling, and depressing chore.

okay, I'm done.

Other than trying fruitlessly to find a job, and having no places to go or things to do, I'm extremely happy. I feel like a lazy, good-for-nothing bum, but my soul is at peace. I've never been this content about where I am living until now. Have you ever physically and literally felt that where you are is exactly right where you should be?  Man, if you've never experienced this feeling, I hope you'll be able to experience it sometime in your lifetime! This is the first time that I have felt this way and aaaahw (imagine my breath visually vaporizing in the freezing air) I feel fabulous. There may not be a specific reason why I'm here, and part of me doubts there is one. But honestly, if the only reason for me being here is because it makes me happy, then I am so totally delighted about that.

The first time I fell in love with Provo was in July 2009. M and I spent 2 weeks in Utah; the first week was mostly spent in Springville with her family, and the second week was spent at BYU as we attended "Especially For Youth." Before then, I had always heard great things about Provo, and I was curious to know if I would enjoy it as much as everyone else, but I refused to ever live there.
Utah is too inundated with people of the same religion. This creates a major problem because church is taken for granted, and being blessed with the gospel is no longer a blessing or privilege, it's thought of as an inherent part of life. Along with that, Utah has been known to be in a "bubble." Meaning that the culture here is completely separate from the rest of the world.

I just experienced an example of this last night. I was driving home in my car and "The Lazy Song" by Bruno Mars (one of my favorites) came on. I pumped up the volume and started jamming out, but my singing stopped when I noticed an entire line was removed from the song! In every radio version I have heard, the word "sex" is bleeped out of one particular line. However, apparently in Utah bleeping out one word isn't good enough, because the entire line was edited out of the song! It totally threw off my groove. Don't get me wrong, I completely support editing music so it is clean and uplifting but that's not the point I'm making. Only in Utah, only in this "bubble" would an entire sentence be removed from a song. My point is, generally speaking, a person who is born and raised in Utah is likely to have an inaccurate and misconstrued concept of what the world is like. In my opinion, Utah is extremely sheltered compared to the rest of society.

Anyways, you just need to understand that until July of 2009 I was convinced that Utah was the last place on Earth I would ever want to live. I specifically remember my feelings changing when I was on the plane back to Arizona. As I looked out the thick foggy window, through patches of florescent clouds, my heart melted and my eyes began to mist with almost-tears. "Goodbye, Utah, I miss you already.....Wait. What? Andrea, what just happened to you?" From that pivoting moment in that small uncomfortable airplane chair, until now in this cozy basement couch, my heart has desired to live in this magical place. So you see, this move has been years in the making. I never would have guessed that I would be living in Provo, shoveling snow, not attending college, but here I am. Oh, life is splendid.

I guess Utah isn't so bad, after all.

Constant

In life, "the only constant is change."-Heraclitus

I love change. If I find myself swaddled in a comfort zone, I start to crave change. I love change because I believe that life should be an adventure; it should be exciting and mysterious and challenging. (I think this might explain why I detest having the same discussion twice, or watching the same movie more than once)
The other reason why I seek after change is because I have a natural tendency to fight it. I'm comfortable with routines, habits, and familiar scenery. I love being familiar with everyone and everything. When change threatens to rip away those things from me, I put up my boxing gloves. For this reason, I embrace change because through opposition I grow. Struggling through something I don't want to do strengthens my character and makes me more prepared for life's next boxing match.
We were made for this. As humans, we are manufactured to transform. The purpose of this life is to prepare to meet God, by becoming like Him; which obviously requires a complete transformation. I'm grateful for the atonement of Jesus Christ because it provides the way for us to become anew, as often as we repent.
Change is: all around, within, influencing nature, creating us.

A quote by CS Lewis comes to mind.
"Every time you make a choice you are turning the central part of you, the part of you that chooses, into something a little different from what it was before. And taking your life as a whole, with all your innumerable choices, all your life long you are slowly turning this central thing either into a heavenly creature or into a hellish creature: either into a creature that is in harmony with God, and with other creatures, and with itself, or else into one that is in a state of war and hatred with God, and with its fellow-creatures, and with itself. To be the one kind of creature is heaven: that is, it is joy and peace and knowledge and power. To be the other means madness, horror, idiocy, rage, impotence, and eternal loneliness. Each of us at each moment is progressing to the one state or the other." -CS Lewis, Mere Christianity

happy birthday!

Hello, I'm 20. I am twenty years old. I have lived on this earth for the length of 20 years.

I'M 20!! :D

I love my age. How often do you hear people (women especially) say that? But truly, I love my age. I finally feel that my age has caught up to me. I am 20. It feels so good!
I LOVE not being a teen anymore. Being a teenager is crazy/great for many reasons.
1.The world revolves around you
2.The future is filled with endless possibilities
3.Everything in your life is either a crisis or euphoria, nothing in between
4. A driver's license is the epitome of freedom
5.You are invincible
6.You know everything there is to know about...everything
7.Angst
8.Umm can we say hormone pin ball machine?
9. High School drama
Needless to say, I am proud to leave those years behind me! :)
I LOVE being in my 20's decade.
In my opinion, years 20-29 in a persons life are the most exciting, fast-paced, constructive, adventurous, and shaping years. Life's most crucial decisions are made during these years, regarding your education, career, spouse, family, and life goals. You're generally in the best shape of your life, and your mind is the sharpest it'll ever be. What's not to love about this decade!?
I am loving being 20 and I'm determined to make this year my best one thus far!

Happiness

I am so happy :) and I love it!

LOVE.

IT.

I'm beginning to explore what brings me happiness. Outside of living the gospel of Jesus Christ, what else can make me happy?
singing. really singing. for the sole purpose of enjoyment.
eating good food. making even better food. healthy, tasty, hearty nourishment.
creating art, and appreciating other's creations.
enjoying the great outdoors. splashing in puddles. rolling in mud. jumping in leaves.
being a goofball, enough to "fit in" with the little kiddos.
seeking out inspiration from my surroundings.
obtaining knowledge through praiseworthy books.
playing a sport. and getting past that "I suck" phase.

that's just a start.

This world is beautiful and has so many potentially happy feelings to give me! It sounds silly, but I've recently discovered that pursuing my interests and passions brings me joy! Have I been living under a rock for the past 19.9 years? Goodness....

Yesterday I recorded my audition tape for Nauvoo Productions and while I am not completely satisfied with my performance, I am proud of myself for doing something bold and frightening. Today I created an account with Pinterest despite my hesitations and I am more than okay with that decision. Right now I'm singing along with Michael Buble and I'm filled to the brim with warm-fuzzies.


"men are that they might have joy"
2 Nephi 2:25

I LOVE MY LIFE

Tuesday

I'm still alive, I promise.

I can't put a number on how many blog posts I have floating in my head right now. I'm sorry I haven't posted in a while. I mostly say that for myself, because I promised myself I would stay on top of this. But I'm okay with not writing if that means I'm busy living my life. However, I am in desperate need of a "head-clearing-dump." I don't have time to put my thoughts into complete, logical paragraphs but they need to get out!

• Life is way too short. It's fleeting faster than my mind can comprehend.
• Why, just, why?
• Children are precious and beautiful in the purest way.
• November is the best month of the year.
• I'm grateful for friends
• You are never alone.
• Texas has been so good to me. What a year!!
• It's true what they say; music does soothe the soul
• Jesus Christ lives.
• Men can be so clueless sometimes
• When I open my eyes, I'm humbled by the majesty of this world
• Pride is a nasty, destructive human condition
• Breaking down barriers is risky and so so sweet.
• The idea of companionship is exhilarating
• I'm grateful for honesty 
• There's something down-right satisfying about watching others enjoy your home-cooked food
• Thanksgiving is a glorious holiday
• Feasting on the words of Christ is indeed a feast!
• How great is it that I get to share my Birthday with Twilight again!?
• I shouldn't be so sarcastic.
• 20 years...twenty years....two decades....how much more can I experience and grow?
• It's empowering to feed my passions
• I'm grateful for my lungs.
• Humor is so subjective
• Crafts can actually be fun.
• Love, Light, and Truth is Life Eternal.
• Thoughts are powerful little warriors. 

Lunch Break

As I barbarically stuff my face with a juicy turkey "mooyah" burger during my lunch break, I can't ignore this enormous sense of love and presence the Lord is sending my way.

At this very minute, wanna know how I know He loves me?

Because this burger is perfectly satisfying in every way.

Because it feels like Christmas outside :)

Because my friend called me today with the best news I've ever heard :)

Because I was born in a land that worships burgers, and all sorts of red meat.

Because He inspired a Southern California family to establish In N Out. And it's dang good!

And because that same family decided to branch out to all the places I've lived.

Because these two adorable kids, sitting at the table next to me, are teaching me how to be more Christ-like.

Because He created garlic and onions...the world's best, and most universal  spices.

Because He blessed me with a love and obsession with all things sugary, sweet, and delectable.

Because He continues to place angels in my life disguised as family, friends, and strangers.

Because objects better than money grow on trees...apples, olives, lemons, pears, grapefruit, cherries, pomegranate, you get the idea :)

Because Ruth Wakefield accidentally invented chocolate chip cookies over 80 years ago and I get to enjoy them now

Because He has spared my life, even though I've probably poisoned my body several times with salmonella, due to the hundreds of pounds of raw dough/batter I have consumed in my lifetime.

Because He speaks to me on a daily basis.

Because He blessed me with a big stomach and a fast metabolism.

Because He gives me opportunities to change, learn, grow, fail, stretch, and succeed.

Because right now, in this moment, inside this fast food restaurant, I can feel His love for me, and no explanation, no evidence, no reasoning is needed.

Beliefs Ablaze

“Let your loins be girded about, and your lights burning.” 

Luke 12:35

My blog title, and the thought process behind it, makes me think of Katniss Everdeen. She is the heroine from Suzanne Collin’s Hunger Games series. If you’ve read the books then you'll understand why. For those who haven’t, (I highly recommend them by the way) Katniss was referred to as the girl on fire. 

Since this blog is written by me, and about me, I obviously wanted a title that would reflect that. Yet, being the difficult person that I am, I couldn’t have something simple and straightforward like “Andrea’s Adventures” or “The thoughts of Andrea.” Besides being completely uncreative, those titles are also too “Andrea” focused. I needed to have a title that was vague and thought-provoking. One that related to me, but wasn’t about me specifically or directly. I wanted a title that could relate to all of us. Yep, I do have a problem with over-thinking things sometimes.

I prayed for some inspiration, and asked my best friend if she had any ideas. She insisted that I should incorporate “light” into it. So I went to the best resource guide on the internet, thesaurus.com, and searched for synonyms to “light.” My eyes were immediately fixed on “ablaze” and I just knew that I had to use it in my title. But what in my life is on fire? “Beliefs Ablaze” instantly came to my mind and I knew I had found my title.

“The light of the body is the eye: if therefore thine eye be single [to the glory of God] 

thy whole body shall be full of light.” 

Matthew 6:22

You’ve heard the saying “sow a thought, reap an act. Sow an act, reap a habit”….and so on. Well in my opinion, it doesn’t start with thoughts exactly. I think it starts one baby step back from thoughts, with beliefs and desires. We are all, at our very inner cores, a string of beliefs and desires. For example, I believe that chocolate is unhealthy. I desire to eat chocolate. I think eating chocolate is satisfying enough to ignore my belief. Then I act by indulging in Ben and Jerry’s Half Baked Chocolate Ice Cream. So you see, take away beliefs and desires, and you’ll take away what make me an individual. Furthermore, if you work hard enough to change your beliefs and desires, then you’ll be able to change your thoughts, actions, habits, character, destiny, and dare I say…the world?

“Let your light so shine forth before men, that they may see your good works, 

and glorfy your Father which is in Heaven.” 

Matthew 5:16

So here I am, Andrea M. S.-the result and summation of beliefs and desires…how APA (American Psychological Association) does that sound? But wait just one second, I am more. I am a living eternal soul with inherent energy, faith, love, passion, spirit, and the light of Christ. Throw in what really makes me human, and now I’m illuminated, moving…on fire. We all are.

 “Ye are all the children of light, and the children of the day: 

we are not of the night, nor of darkness.” 

1 Thessalonians 5:5

So what do you believe? Are you living in a manner that allows your beliefs to consume you? Let us set our beliefs on fire. Let us allow our beliefs to spark and grow within us. So that together, our flames can combine and set ablaze the world with beauty, light, and the glory of God that is in all of us.

“the day is at hand: let us therefore cast off the works of darkness and let us put on the armour of light.” Romans 13:12

“Verily I say unto you all: Arise and shine forth, that thy light may be a standard for the nations” 

Doctrine and Covenants 115:5

Hi, Dad.

From the time I was born, prayer has been an integral part of my life. One of the only glimpses of my childhood that I can remember is the scene of my parents tucking me in at night and whispering a bedtime prayer with me...along with a short song. I feel small, peaceful, and loved when I think back on those memories.
As I continued to grow, prayer quickly became the only source of comfort for me; the only constant reservoir of power and strength. At a young age and with simple faith, I relied heavily on prayer to keep me from sinking into fear and complete misery. As my world (as I saw it) was crumbling on all sides, God was unchanging and invincible. It was during these difficult times that I allowed my Father in Heaven to carry me in His arms because I went to Him in humble prayer.
Slowly and almost imperceptibly, I digressed from communing with my Heavenly Father, to speaking repetitious prayers, to not communicating with Him at all. I thought of myself as a good person, but I had lost my personal relationship with God. Consequently, I was not making good choices, or being a good friend, or living a Christ-centered life. Therefore, light and happiness were diminishing from my life and I went through a period of darkness.
I can not point to the exact turning point, because I don't think there was one. It was through a process of humility, repentance, obedience, and lots of effort that I began to make prayer a part of my life again. Finally, prayer changed from being a chore, to being a significant part of my day, of my thoughts, of my soul even.

This last Sunday I was having a hard time. I've noticed that Satan works really really hard to bring me down on the Sabbath. He is so irritating! I may be filled with love and joy, but there's a little piece of negative energy that's trying to poke it's way into my heart. (stop it!! Just let me be happy!) Well, this past Sunday, I made room for that pestering negative...thing. I couldn't even put it into words. I couldn't vent about it to a friend because I didn't know what "it" was, I just knew that "it" was there...hindering my peace.
I carried this with me until Monday night. I spent the evening with three of the most fabulously beautiful ladies this world has ever seen. We had a splendid time together, as usual. Thankfully, and divinely, I had to take one of these wonderful women home.
Our 15 minute drive turned into about a 2 hour heart-to-heart. (and I am NOT complaining!) I listened intently as my dear friend shared with me the things that had been burdening her. Through the things that she shared, I was able to discover, and to place the negative "thing" that had been bothering me! I was elated! Before she left the car to go inside her house, I stopped her. "wait, can I just vent to you for a second?" "of course!" she replied. So I let it all out, dispelled all of the weeds and made room for flowers to bloom...and oh, did they ever! I will forever be grateful for the advice my wise and inspired friend shared with me.
"Talk to your Father." she said. "Talk to Him like you're talking to me now. Be honest. Tell Him the desires of your heart. Tell Him what you want your life to look like." "okay" I said. (duh, of course Andrea, prayer cures all problems.) She interrupted my thoughts with "But don't you dare start off your prayer with 'Dear Heavenly Father.' He doesn't want to hear that, He wants to hear from you. He's waiting to talk to you. He LOVES when His children talk to Him. He'll be listening. When I'm feeling down, I start off my prayers with 'Hi it's me, you know who it is. We need to talk.'" (haha, don't you just love her?) She was so right. I embraced her and promised I would heed her advice as I drove to my next destination for the night.

For the first time in my entire life, I opened my prayer with
"Hi, Dad."
Immediately, I felt His presence. What followed was the most delightful and heavenly car ride I've ever experienced. I just chatted with Him, talking as if He were my best girlfriend, holding nothing back. Basically, we went on a Daddy-Daughter date. I know He was beside me in the car, just like He had been in the past. But this time was different. I wasn't asking for forgiveness, or seeking guidance, or pleading for blessings. I was simply sharing my heart and soul with my Dad. My Dad who loves me, who knows me intimately, who wants to see me happy.
I'm confident that He enjoyed our conversation as much as I did. I felt loved, empowered, energized, and accompanied by His Holy Spirit. I felt justified in my feelings, and not for a second did I feel irreverent or disrespectful. Undoubtedly, "to every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven." (Ecclesiastes 3:1) There is a time to submit to His will, and there is a time to express the desires of your heart.
Our "Hi, Dad" talks will now be the most treasured and anticipated conversations I have with Him.

I am grateful that God is our King, Healer, Governor, Creator, Master, Judge, and Ruler. But above all, I am immensely grateful that He is our Loving, Eternal Father in Heaven.              

write.

I'm not sure what format this blog is going to take: a journal, scrapbook, tutorial, dream recorder, novel, list-keeper, diary, who knows! I just need to write. This need and craving to express myself is boiling in me, almost to the point of a rage, and writing is one of the most expressive and therapeutic ways I know how. This is going to be raw, unpolished, and unpresentable. But it's also going to be utterly honest, freshly emotional, and 100% Andrea; which is exciting, scary, daring, risky, liberating, and humbling all at the same time.
I feel irresponsible and defiant right now. I have clothes to hang up, songs to practice, hair to fix, and a dinner to pack. Yet, here I am, lounging in my sweats, sitting at my desk, typing some thoughts into the computer.
I have a voice, and it is begging me to let it be heard. For the longest time, I held this belief that what I thought, felt, perceived, and experienced was everything but notable. Yeah, my life mattered, but not enough to be shared. For so long I've been working on being quiet, being a peacemaker, being an intent listener. While inside I've been fighting my desire to speak, to question, to maybe even be frank and opinionated. Not-uh. No more fighting this. Not me. Heavenly Father did not bless me with my personality and strength and testimony so I could be a quiet bystander. No. He has called me to be a leader and example-to stand up and stand out. How could I ever accomplish those things by being quiet? I will not be ashamed of the gospel of Jesus Christ. I will not be ashamed, any longer, of my past, my inadequacies, my opinions, my beliefs, my passions, my faults, or my talents.
By letting my light shine and by making my voice be heard, it will only "...burnish more brightly the symbol of Him whose name [I] have taken upon [me]. And so [my] life must become a meaningful expression, the symbol of [my] declaration of [my] testimony of the Living Christ, the Eternal Son of the Living God."
-quote adapted from Gordon B. Hinckley

Sing, Andrea.

God has blessed me with the capability and desire to sing. Unfortunately, the singing world is brutal and competitive. Evidence of this can be found on basically every TV station today. For some time, I was so intimidated by the talents and work ethics of others, that I felt ashamed of what I had to offer. Yet deep down inside, something roused me to sing anyway. So I did. I've always sang in the car, in the kitchen, alone in my room, quietly at night, in school choir, and in church worship. Just recently however, I've realized that my voice is a gift, not for me alone to enjoy and keep hidden, but for others to hear and feel as well. God did not give me this talent and passion so I could entertain myself when I'm bored, or so that I could fill the house with noise when it's too quiet. He created this voice with the purpose to SING! To declare my testimony, to glorify His name, to express His love for His children in a tangible way. I'm a singer because primarily and indispensably, I am a disciple of Jesus Christ.

Hi, blogging world.

Ahhhhh! First ever blog post, guys! (who ever "guys" is)
Now, don't expect anything fancy or cutesy from me...at least for a few months, while I get acquainted with everything. Don't even expect my writing to be anything close to eloquent or beautiful.
I'm really quite shocked that I'm doing this, because I swore up and down that I would never be a "blogger" and would never "follow" any blogs. But once my sister started blogging, I was hooked. A little something inside me has been encouraging me to blog ever since I read that first post from Alicia. From that time on, I've been very timidly "following" other friends and family members through their blogs.
So what led me to start my own? Well, first and foremost, I'm making this for myself. Because I need to write in my journal, but I don't. I absolutely love writing in notebooks (I own about 50) with my favorite blue ball point pen, but my hand can never keep up with my thoughts. So instead of getting an emotional release through writing, I become frustrated and annoyed. Therefore, typing out my thoughts seems like the obvious solution. Alright, that makes sense, but why make my journal entries so public? One of the reasons is because I like to be accountable. I've realized recently that I don't follow through with things unless I'm accountable to someone. And being accountable to myself doesn't work, because I'm more motivated to serve and please others than myself. (Something I'm working on) Blogging makes me accountable for my words, because I'll be sharing them for potentially the world to see. This forces me to be honest, sincere, and vulnerable with my thoughts and feelings. Blogging also makes me accountable for making time to actually write, hopefully consistently. Whether someone reads my blog or not, knowing that this is public will make me want to write, share, and keep it updated.
So, hello to the world of blogging. I am here. This is me, and I'm ready....please be kind.