Blessings

Since I'm using this blog for many different purposes, this post is written more for my personal history than for anything else, so please don't think that I'm begging for a pity party- that's not what I want.

Last night and this morning I had a persistent feeling that my rejection email from Nauvoo Productions was coming soon. In actuality, ever since I mailed my audition DVD, I had a feeling I would receive a rejection email from them, but I continued to pray and tried to keep an open mind.

Lo and behold, two minutes upon waking up this morning, my phone went "la da ding ding ding" announcing that I have a new email. "There's my Nauvoo letter." I thought with confidence.

There was a big part of me that tensed up like a little kid on Christmas morning and I hoped that my feelings had been wrong, and I would be asked to audition again in Salt Lake. I quickly tapped my fancy smart phone to get to my inbox.

I realized that I had indeed been rejected when I read the following:

Dear Andrea,

Thanks so much for applying to be a Young Performing Missionary in Nauvoo, Illinois.  You are wonderfully talented, and we applaud your desire to use your talents in the service of the Lord.

This year Nauvoo Productions received close to 150 applications, from which we were able to select only 20 for the Summer 2012 mission.   As you can imagine, the selection process was extremely difficult. Although we’re not able to include you in this year’s group, we encourage you to consider applying again next year.

Thanks so much for your interest, and for your willingness to serve.

We wish you the very best!

Sincerely,

Elder and Sister Wortley

Nauvoo YPM Coordinators

My first reaction was of course disappointment. I wanted this more than....I've wanted most things. I can't put it into words. You'll just have to trust me when I say that my heart strongly desired to be a Young Performing Missionary in Nauvoo; serving the Lord and sharing the gospel through music. So much so, that I swallowed my pride and asked for help and prayers as needed. I wanted it bad enough to work and pray and practice. Something you have to know about me, is that I never ever practice. If I'm not performance ready the first time, then I give up. So the fact that I practiced for this audition is proof that I truly wanted to make it with all of my heart. So I was disappointed, but that feeling didn't last long because it was immediately replaced with fruits of the Holy Spirit: hope, peace, and love.

My next thought was "darn, now I have to share this with everyone like I promised." But I couldn't do that until I expressed my gratitude in a fervent prayer, because that's what this whole shebang has been about.

You see folks, what I doubtlessly want to share, what really matters here is that God lives. I am a child of the most perfect and Supreme being, and you are too. He created me, He knows me intimately, He hears me, and He loves me more than I can comprehend. He sees all, knows all, and is in control of everything. I love Him. I am filled with gratitude for His mercy, love, and embrace.  

I know that Heavenly Father only wants what is best for me, so I can conclude that this Nauvoo thing is not what is best, and I'm okay with that. He heard my prayers, He knows my heart, and He has blessed me with this disappointment to make room for something even better. I keep moving forward because I know in whom I have trusted. I'm excited to pursue other goals and interests, and I can't wait to see what other paths are available for me to explore.